That is if anyone is still reading this after my hiatus, which I would have warned you about had I known that I was going to do it.
Lately my experience of time has been erratic; days stretch on forever but are over in a blink. Yesterday I had a whole day off but the day itself only felt like it was a couple of hours long. Yet Tuesday seems like it was months ago.
Today is the first time in a long time that I have woken up early enough to write before I have to get ready to go to work.
So before I logged on here I was writing up (or down? Up when I’m optimistic perhaps?) ideas for a short story that has been hanging around for a while; but it is only since Tuesday (that day that seems to have happened so long ago) that I found the heart of the story.
Perhaps Tuesday feels so long ago because it is the first time since I was a teenager that I had really thought about my life then. Somehow a conversation turned to my parents’ divorce and how I felt to be piggy in the middle. It was like my tongue had found an ulcer; I couldn’t help but to prod it.
For instance I hadn’t thought that the way I arrange my finances with my husband is a result of their break up – we have always maintained separate accounts and paid for things equally (even when it doesn’t make sense to!) because I don’t want to be in the position my Mm found herself in when my Dad gambled away the savings, the car, the house…
I don’t really believe that writing is cathartic; I don’t think if I write about it that it will go away. I’m a girl who holds grudges. But I’m not adverse to using my pain/feelings/emotions to push my story along.
It is strange that I’m thinking about myself as a character. The story is a memoir – I’m using the drabble I wrote last year – so I was excited to finally unlock my motivation! And the end of the story will have resonance now because this will partly explain why my friends meant so much to me.
(I’ve put that in the past tense because I’m shitty about keeping in touch. Sorry guys!)
Now all I have to do is to write the bloody thing!